NAME: Justin Mullens
WEIGHT: 155 lbs.
MEASUREMENTS: 3729 Tablespoons
DATE OF BIRTH: 1973 Anno Domini
PLACE OF BIRTH: Constantinople
REASON FOR BIRTH: Housing for bacteria
TURN ONS: Crusty poets, transubstantiated twinkies, double sided tape, The Decameron, Guelphs and Ghibellines, Talky Cheese Fist, pig jowls, rusted Greco-Roman phallacies, and wet paper
TURN OFFS: Boomerangs, shopping malls, Swedish Fish, people that make boomerangs, Sacramento, Capitalism, gum, mug collections, palindromes, hair spray, electricity, Orestees, Darwinism, and freedom of speech.
AMBITIONS: Rebuild the Temple of Solomon
SKILLS: Assembling trumpets, Fingering Horns in French and Flugel, arranging multiple tones in orchestral settings to brake down holding facilities, forging historical documents, destroying belief systems, bio-engineering organic telephones that live off of ear wax, and organizing political parties for microscopic life forms.
PERSONAL HISTORY: Justin was born into a family of Pillar Hermits on the outskirts of Constantinople. He spent his youth tied to the top of a 23 foot pillar practicing the family trade. After his 18th birthday his Hermeting career came to an end due to violent protests from anti-falic masonry workers. Shortly after his descent, Justin was put to work carving apples into the form of the intangible third of the Catholic Trinity. His work would later be used by a drug lord in the guise of an Albigensian monk to dethrone the other two thirds of the Trinity and empower the Holy Ghost as the ultimate drug trafficker. This drove Justin into a deep depression, forcing him to waste his talents sculpting sound vibrations into the image of his once beloved pillar. Justin found Dimitri, on one of his many wanderings, snooping around the collection of sound pillars, muttering to himself sardonically Yes, Yes ... We will need many more of theses! And the rest is history.
Dimitri Gurevitch -
Matthew Bergmann -
William Carl Black -
Erik Hoagland -
Table of Contents -
Gigs/Current Affairs -
Band Biography -
Caught on Film -
Ancient History/Dossiers -
Links to Hell